If you read my post about networking, you probably thought to yourself: but what if I don’t know anyone in the room? Both extroverts and introverts alike can have a particularly hard time networking when stuck in a room full of strangers.
So, how do you navigate the situation instead of spending the night with one appendage attached to the wall at all times?
I’ll be perfectly honest, I am not a great networker in a room full of strangers. As much of an extrovert as I am, this is one situation where I’m not so keen to meet strangers.
There’s just something different about being part of a conversation and opening it up to others as compared to being the person forced to insert yourself into others’ conversations. (I think this is the reason why I am hyper-aware of people who seem to not know anyone in a room, and why I try to immediately introduce myself and introduce them to others or include them in conversations.)
With this caveat in mind – that this is not my strength – here are some useful tricks I’ve learned along the way:
First, try to spot another person who is either alone or who seems to be looking around as though they would welcome an interruption. (A lot of times the best place to find the person willing to chat is by standing in line at the bar. Even if you don’t drink, just stand in line and get a club soda – it’s a great way to meet people.)
Second, approach that person, introduce yourself, and ask how their night is going. If this is clearly a networking-type event – like a post-CLE happy hour – ask what they do for a living. (Even if it’s not that type of event, that question is so common in the US that you should be fine asking it anywhere. Note: That is not always the case in other countries, as I have repeatedly been asked why US citizens seem to approach meeting new people by essentially asking for an oral resume.)
Now here’s the tricky part. We’ve all been there. The person tells you what they do for a living and we go, “Oh, interesting.” And the conversation dies. (Or, perhaps they ask you back and then the “Oh, interesting” is exchanged before the conversation dies. Still, it comes to a pretty immediate close.)
So what’s the trick? Well you know how people love to talk about themselves? Next question (drumroll please): “Oh, interesting. How did you end up doing [FILL IN THE WORD]?” Or, “Tell me about your path to becoming a [FILL IN THE WORD].” Something along those lines.
That’s the quickest way to get someone to start telling you more about them, and for the conversation to more naturally develop. Why is that? Because when someone tells you about the path they took, you can ultimately learn a lot more about who they are, what they care about, and how they approach situations.
You can certainly ask whether they enjoy what they’re doing, though you risk an abrupt end to the conversation as well, or for a pretty boring back and forth. For those who love it, they’ll tell you that. And you can follow up with “That’s great, what do you love about it?” If the reasons they give have a personal connection to you, all the better – but they may not. And the conversation may quickly fizzle.
Or, even worse, the person tells you that they do not like what they are doing for a living. Now you have an awkward end to the conversation, since you don’t really want to ask someone to tell you all the reasons why they don’t like something. (Of course you can, but imagine if someone asked you why you didn’t like your job or your in-laws or your apartment – now you’re just listing off a bunch of negative things and connecting your feelings of resentment with the person who asked.)
When a person starts telling you how they ended up in the career path they are on, you will learn a lot more about who they are as a person – even if they don’t like their current position. And from there you can forge some deeper connections – or more quickly learn if those are unlikely to develop.
If you feel a real connection was made (or that you’ve planted the seed for one), ask to exchange business cards. Give yourself about a week to follow up – don’t email that night or the next day. When you do follow up, make sure to reference something personal they shared with you. That way they know you were listening, and it also reminds them of who you are. (They too were probably networking a fair amount that night.)
If you like the person enough to follow up via email, I would recommend inviting them out to coffee, lunch, or a one-on-one happy hour after work one day. (And if you invite them, you should pick up the tab – especially if it’s coffee or lunch. Yes, this can get expensive, but it’s like asking someone out on a date: at the very least, you should offer. If you can’t afford to pay for lunch or drinks, ask them out for coffee.)
Taking a networking event and turning it into a one-on-one interaction down the road is precisely the way to forge genuine relationships in this profession. It will not only help build your career, it will also help you build relationships with people who will become your allies and advocates down the road. And if you’re lucky, many of these people will ultimately become your friends.