We all have heard the adage about first impressions: You never get a second chance to make a (good) first impression. It’s true. While you can certainly rehabilitate a bad first impression, it’s far more of an uphill battle than if you had simply put your best foot forward to begin with.
Because we have all been there, here are some tips for how to rehabilitate a bad first impression.
There are two distinct scenarios that are coming to mind as I write this article: awkward in-person interactions and less-than-professional email communications.
How to Fix an Awkward In-Person Interaction
Let’s start with in-person interactions. In my opinion, these are by far the most difficult to navigate since, unlike in an email, you cannot craft a seemingly-effortless back-and-forth from the comfort of your computer screen.
An in-person interaction opens the door to sticking your foot in your mouth in ways you cannot even imagine. I am by far the most awkward conversationalist I’ve ever met – really, ask people who know me – and somehow even I have managed to push past the awkward.
Here’s how you do it: after you say something awkward and you see the person pause out of a mixture of confusion and discomfort, pull back. Recognize that you’ve made them uncomfortable and shift gears without comment. Perhaps ask them a question. That way you aren’t talking anymore, and they get to share something with you.
One question people love is, “So tell me how you ended up becoming a civil rights attorney.” (Sub in whatever their profession is.) Ooh, we love that question. It’s open-ended, we get to talk about what we love, and we get to talk about ourselves: it’s every attorney’s dream. (I kid, I kid. A little.)
Here’s what not to do: don’t keep speaking on the same topic. (Which I have done many, many times.) When I have done this, it’s because I think the best way to make it less awkward is to normalize it by pushing on. Nope, not true. Has never once worked.
Another thing you should avoid is ending the conversation the minute you see the person become uncomfortable. If you do that, the person walks away with that last feeling about you lingering in their head. And that becomes their lasting impression of you.
I too have done the “walkaway,” as I call it. Not to fret, the world has not ended. Just reach out to the person via email and set up a coffee or lunch. (Again, don’t reference the awkward situation, just say you’d like to get to know them better.) And then over coffee or lunch, make sure to act normal. And then keep on the normal train in every subsequent interaction. Really, that’s all it takes and the impression will start to shift.
Many of you are probably wondering: well if I could just “act normal,” I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. I get it. I truly get it. Here’s my trick: stop trying to impress the person – which is how I always end up in awkward conversation land – and just treat them like a person you’re getting to know. Show genuine curiosity, ask questions, and a connection will develop organically.
How to Avoid (and Fix) an Unprofessional Email Communication
The second big issue I’ve been experiencing lately is unprofessional email communications. For example, I recently received a job application by way of being forwarded a bounce-back email after the applicant misspelled my email address. Nothing in the body, no explanation, just a forwarded email from the applicant’s sent mail folder.
I was truly taken aback. Why the person did not simply choose to draft a new email with the same materials and include my correct email address is beyond me.
This year, I’ve also received applications that contain typos, where cover letters list a different firm name at the bottom (cut and paste came to a stop too soon), and where it seems the applicant has not even looked at our website before applying.
Never make these mistakes. There is no excuse for having typos in your resume or cover letter. These are one-page pieces of paper that should have been edited so many times you can recite them by heart.
And when you send an email to someone you are trying to connect with on a professional level – whether it’s for a job opportunity or for more general networking – make sure to actually be professional.
Professional emails are not forwarded emails from your sent folder. They don’t start with “Hi there.” They don’t suggest the person will do back flips to try to find a time to meet with you. Instead, they are professionally addressed (“Ms. Wolf” or “Dear Ms. Wolf”) and written in a way that shows you value the person’s time.
I will say, most of the emails I receive asking to go grab coffee or lunch are incredibly professional. The students I interact with far exceed my level of comfort in reaching out to attorneys as compared to when I was a law student. But be careful not to be too comfortable to the point where you are glib.
The other thing to keep in mind is that it’s harder to rehabilitate a bad first impression from an email. That’s because the email was supposed to open the door to the next interaction – in person – and seemingly now has shut that precise door. So how do you do it?
Here’s where my advice changes. This is not like the uncomfortable in-person interaction. In an email, the concern is less that you have come across awkward and more that you have been unprofessional.
And unlike in person, there is no excuse for sending an unprofessional email: you have control over what you write and when you hit send. You are not being forced to think on your feet as during an in-person conversation.
So, as opposed to my suggestion of ignoring the awkward moment and moving past it through conversation, to move past an unprofessional email exchange you need to acknowledge it and take ownership. Only then will you be able to regain some trust and respect from the recipient.
I know that it seems scary to have to do this, but I promise you that a person who takes ownership is the type of person who gains the most respect. And regaining respect is the best way to rehabilitate your shaky first impression.