I absolutely abhor the term “networking.” So much so I boycotted the entire concept of it when I was in law school. I even remember getting into a bit of a tiff about it with our Women’s Law Association President who kept insisting that we “network.”
She and I did not see eye-to-eye. But I have to admit, she was right. Networking is essential. Your opportunities are going to come from networking. It’s incredibly rare you’re going to get a job – let alone build up an entire career – based on your resume alone.
So how do you reconcile the need to network with the fact that it seems incredibly disingenuous?
The reason I hate the concept of networking is that it feels equally fake and manipulative. Neither of those notions sit well with me. And yet, if you ask anyone in the Colorado civil rights legal community, they will tell you that I’m a big networker. So what changed?
How to Network at Large Events
It turns out that networking is just another word for socializing. Adults having arranged play dates. Over cocktails and appetizers. What’s not to love? (If you’re an introvert, I get that this doesn’t sound fun – I have tips for you as well.)
Let me be clear: I do not endorse the type of networking where you shake 50 hands in a night and pass out your business card like it’s free cash. I also am not the best “networker” – meaning that I’m not great at meeting all of the people I don’t know, which is what networking is supposed to be about. (I’ll have a post later about how to up your networking game when you’re in a room full of strangers.)
Instead, I use these social gatherings as an opportunity to genuinely get to know people and forge real connections. And what naturally comes to pass is that you will meet more and more people through the ones you’ve connected with, and your network will grow naturally. Again, like the adult version of play dates.
I will almost never try to maintain a conversation when I can see I have no connection developing with a person. Mostly because my emotions show on my face, and boredom is one of those. The only time I’ll stick it out is (a) if I can’t get away (that happened once with the slowest bartender on earth, and it was painful) or (b) if I need to forge a connection for work reasons, like helping a client.
And trust me, this type of networking – which isn’t meet-every-stranger-in-a-room networking – has propelled my career forward.
How to Network as an Introvert
Now, if you’re an introvert, this will be harder. What I suggest in those circumstances is to set lunches with attorneys you like or want to get to know better. Having these one-on-one interactions will help your name get out into the community.
If you want to attend a larger event, go with a couple of attorneys you know well, and ask them to introduce you to people they think you’ll get along well with. Don’t try to “work the room” or talk to a dozen people in a circle.
As much of an extrovert as I am, all of my closest friends have been introverts. So I actually love the one-on-one lunches and I set them all of the time. In fact, it’s probably been a combination of those and these larger happy hours that have really helped me develop the connections I have.
So what’s the takeaway? Networking does not need to be fake or manipulative. Treat it like an opportunity to meet new people and develop genuine connections, and that will take you far in your career.